Dr. Elizabeth Pearce is a certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment specialist (NATC), having completed training and certification under Dr. Ramani Durvasula.
Theresa Butler, LPC has extensive experience in this area as well, and several of our other therapists have also completed training in the area of abuse identification and recovery. Our team is well equipped to support you, particularly if you find yourself working through the complex issues involved in setting boundaries or decreasing contact in a Christian context.

Identifying Abuse

When navigating a tricky or toxic relationship, the first phase of therapy often involves determining whether abuse is occurring. Some forms of abuse are easier to identify than others, such as physical violence. The nature of emotional abuse, on the other hand, is that it can be very subtle. There may be antagonistic patterns (abuse) leading to an emotional imbalance or power imbalance, sometimes resulting in an overall dynamic of coercive control. Emotional, financial, and sexual abuse may be present in overt or covert forms.

Examples of antagonistic behaviors include devaluing, invalidating, manipulating (gaslighting), minimizing your needs, and reactivity - which may take the form of rage, defensiveness, or even extreme self-blame or self-injury by the abuser, all designed to silence you from voicing your feelings. Intimidation, threats or hints of physical violence toward you, implying they may hurt themselves or suffer harm if you do not do as they wish, mocking and belittling are all examples of abusive behaviors, too.

Physical Abuse

If physical abuse is present, it is almost certain that emotional abuse and, specifically, elements of coercive control are already present. There is a saying that, “All abuse is physical abuse”; this is true for at least two reasons. First, ongoing emotional abuse leads to wear and tear on the body, resulting in physical health problems over time. Second, emotional abuse very frequently escalates to physical abuse at some point (though not always). The most common time for abuse to escalate into physical violence is when the abused partner is preparing to leave the relationship.

Am I Experiencing Abuse?

If you find yourself consistently feeling confused, guilty, or fearful in a relationship, there may be antagonistic and/or coercive patterns happening. Our therapists are trained to help you identify these patterns and decide how to move forward. Whether you stay or leave the relationship with a partner, family member, or someone else, there are strategies to help you stay safe and maximize your resources.

Decision Making: To Stay or Go

After recognizing that abuse is present in your relationship, you may spend some time deciding what to do with this information. Some relationships are easier to leave than others. When co-parenting or family relationships are involved, you might opt for staying in the relationship. It can help to arm yourself with strategies for boundary-setting, taking care of yourself, and limiting your response and engagement with abusive behaviors.

Whether you decide to go no-contact, low-contact, or remain in your relationship, your therapist will support you and help you develop strategies for safety and self-care. When your boundaries and support systems are in line with your true needs, then you can begin the rebuilding process and find freedom to live your life.

Rebuilding After Abuse

Healing from abuse is not a linear process; there is no set timeline for recovery. The healing process first requires you to establish physical and emotional safety. Then, recovery often involves getting to know and trust yourself again.

To establish safety, your therapist will help you identify, set, and enforce healthy boundaries. Often, this part of healing involves “fortressing” for awhile. That is, setting boundaries that are more rigid and stringent. Some survivors describe this as a “no tolerance” policy. Eventually, your boundaries may relax and loosen to allow for more flexibility. But initially, your sense of emotional and physical safety is paramount to your healing.

Your therapist will also support the tender process of getting to know yourself again - your feelings, your needs - and deciding where and with whom it is safe to express those things. You might spend time getting reacquainted with your likes and dislikes, your preferences, and your opinions. There may be parts of yourself longing to reawaken with a sense of joy, peace, playfulness, and creativity.

If abuse or emotional neglect occurred in childhood, this process may be unfolding for the very first time. You possess a unique identity; a valuable person resides within you. If you are discovering this for the first time, we encourage you to be patient with yourself! We’re honored to be part of this journey with you.