What’s the difference between emotional abuse and emotional neglect?

Abuse in all its forms can be thought of as “acts of commission” - the presence of words, actions, patterns of behavior that result in harm.

Emotional neglect can be thought of as “acts of omission” - the absence of words, actions, and patterns that would result in healthy emotional development, identify formation, and relationship skills.

When abuse is present, it’s almost certain that emotions are also being neglected. But emotional neglect can occur even in well-intentioned households when parents simply do not have the tools or availability to attune to children’s emotional needs. An emotionally neglected childhood might appear otherwise normal; physical needs may have been met, and there may have been good times.

The Effects of CEN

Emotional neglect causes individuals to feel lost, empty, or broken. It leads to a loss of identity, lack of fulfillment, even difficulty with self-care and self-discipline (do you struggle to form beneficial routines?). Mood and anxiety issues, including complex trauma, may result. Individuals may lack many clear memories of childhood.

Individuals who experienced emotional neglect as children often do not know who they are, what they like or dislike, and that they have value. Emotions get stuck or suppressed, and may result in exhaustion or chronic health issues.They often struggle with shame, a feeling of being bad or worthless. CEN individuals may find themselves feeling like passive observers on the highway of life, rather than active “doers”.

It’s just as important to identify and heal CEN as it is to recover from abuse. “Doing the work” to build emotional resources will allow you to show up at your best in your adult relationships, improve your overall health, and care well for others and yourself.